Nothing Happened

Come Meet My Family

So thats it. Im telling you, thats it.

Thats the reason youre not speaking to her anymore?

Im talking to her. Shes the one not speaking to me. Thats it. Thats the story. Shell have to speak firstthen Ill speak to her.

Im missing something. Tell me what happened.

I told you. She did the same thing as last time.

Humor me. Tell me again.

Well, I was in Stop and Shop because I had coupons. Usually I shop Big Y. I picked up a loaf of rye bread when that woman comes up to me and . . .

Your sister. That woman is your sister.

. . . that woman comes up to me ands says, Seedless. How can you buy seedless? The first time that woman has spoke to me in five years is to tell me that Im buying the wrong rye bread. Can you believe it?

Then what happened?

Seedless? I says. Oy! Without my glasses they both look alike. I fumbled around in my purse for my glasses, put them on and switched to the rye bread with seeds.

But you dont like seeds in your rye bread. You say they get under your plate.

I know, but I couldnt let HER know that.


Then she says, I thought you shopped that other place. Why are you slumming? The mouth on her. I tell you. If I wasnt a lady Id of walked away. So I says Coupons.

Thats ALL you said?

Thats all I had to say.

Then what happened?

Then what happened?

Nothing happened then?

How can nothing happen? Youre not talking again. What happened?

Then nothing happened. I shopped and that woman went on her way.

Your sister. Well. . .?

Look. Im not saying anything bad. She bumped me in mustard.


So, I was minding my own business looking at a jar of Guldens when a cart bumps my cart and its HER.

Anything break? Anyone hurt?


So whats the problem?

Whats the problem, Mister? Whats the problem you ask?

Im not Mister. Im your nephew. Whats the problem?

She says to me, for a few cents more you can get the spicy. Its worth the money. So I get out my glasses and I switch for the spicy.

But he spicy upsets your stomach.

You think Id let HER know that?

So, cause she bumped you in mustard youre not talking.

No. Were not talking cause she bumped me in mustard.

Tell me.

She says, so long as youre here you might as well come for coffee. Another time maybe, I says. Its time for me to go home for lunch and she says so come for coffee and lunch. Youre already here. Ill get a can tuna, she says.

So I says, dont get bread. Bread I have right herea nice rye. So she says, I cant eat that, the seeds get under my plate. So can you believe that?

So thats why youre not talking again?

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