Bob

Journal of Microliterature 2014

Bob is my neighbor. Bob’s wife, Janie, is having an affair with my son Bob. The name duplication will help if she’s a sleep talker.

Bob suspects Janie is having and affair and confides in me. He threatens to kill the guy that’s screwing his wife. That doesn’t make me feel good about my son Bob.

I go to my son’s apartment to confront him and Janie is there. He doesn’t want to let me in. Finally, he relents and the three of us sit around his small living room alternating between looking at the floor and each other. No one speaks.

The door opens and it’s my neighbor, Bob, husband of Janie.

“I knew it was you all along,” he says to me.

“What are you talking about? Janie asks him.

“You’re screwing our neighbor and now that I see you here with his son too I wonder if you’re fucking them both.”

Janie stands and walks over to Bob, her husband. She says, “Not only them but everyone else on the street. Today’s Tuesday so it’s only the even numbers. Thursday it’ll be the odd ones. You’re an odd one maybe I can fit you in late Thursday.”

 

Bob, the husband is stuck for a response. “What about him?” He asks pointing to Bob, my son.

 

“Him? Well he can screw me anytime because that’s how I pay him. I came here today to make a payment but I’m no longer in the mood and I’m quite sure that young Bob here isn’t either.”


“Payment for what?” My neighbor Bob asks his wife Janie.

“He’s teaching me how to work with stained glass,” Janie said.

“What the hell do you want to do stained glass for? Bob asks.

“Because I decided I wanted to make you a stained glass window to hang in your office as a birthday present.”

“Oh,” said my neighbor.


Janie walks over to the table and uncovers a stained glass, almost finished window. Showman like, she points at it and neighbor Bob walks over and looks.

“It’s very beautiful and classy. Are you really screwing young Bob in lieu of paying him?” He turns to my son, Bob. “Are you exchanging lessons for sex?”

My son Bob stares up at him while Janie walks between the two of them. “You moron,” she says to her Bob. “How dare you even suggest such a thing?”

“I didn’t suggest it, you did,” Husband Bob says.

“You’ve got two choices,” Janie says to her husband. “You can get your ass out of here and let me finish your birthday gift or you can stick around and watch me smash it to smithereens.”

“Let’s go," he says to me. “Janie, I’m sorry.”

“That’s a good woman you’ve got there, Bob,” I tell him. “You ought to cut her some slack.”

“You’re right and I will but there’s still one thing bothering me.”

“What’s that, Bob?”

“Where is she getting the money to pay your son for lessons?”

 

 

 

 

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